I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
