i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She's the barista slut.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
