honey bunches of taint.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
