i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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