3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize