when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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