Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just google imaged poop.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
