At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
