Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
The best revenge is premature balding
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize