I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
