i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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