the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
