Whats the glycemic index on semen?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
