I puked a lego.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
