He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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