If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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