Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
