And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
