I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
