I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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