im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
