When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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