Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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