all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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