so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
