WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
