i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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