absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
