dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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