Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize