May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
