So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize