we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
