problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
