we have pet lesbian snakes
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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