I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
