I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
