he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I AM VODKA MAN
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
