You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
