Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Success! We fucked roommates!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
