Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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