I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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