Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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