She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
