Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
