The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
smell my finger.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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