I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
