So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
bring money and cleavage
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize