I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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