if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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