Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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