Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
