You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
