kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
