Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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