you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
