I feel like I'm in dance class right now
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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