Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
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