I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
