I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize