11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
