You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
