doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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