I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
