GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
