how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
