Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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