that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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