just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
