i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize