You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
