i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
