Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
