I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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