maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
