new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
