carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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