I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
