Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
