just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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