Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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