Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
