I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Got a toothbrush?
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
