She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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