I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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