I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
