he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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