It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
