i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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