She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
