How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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