He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
