Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
