4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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