hotel room ftw
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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