why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
