y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
