We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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