You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
