so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
