i permit you to call me
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
