It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
