dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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