News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
