I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
