i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
