theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
