Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
