The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
