I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
