weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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