my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
