Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize