Jerry, you need to find god
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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