it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Sober January is a disaster.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
