I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
