I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My vagina is officially offended.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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